Football is Jericho!!

Two forms of entertainment have been the staple of my Monday nights for over 20 years. WWE Monday Night Raw and Monday Night Football. Have you ever wondered what would happened if these two worlds collided? Well, wonder no more as I am here to rank the 32 NFL teams compared to their wrestling counterparts.

The Jobbers

32. Raiders (0-9)

31. Jaguars (1-9)

30. Buccaneers (1-8)

29. Titans (2-7)

This is pretty easy to understand. These teams all suck, and like Heath Slater are the laughing stock of the league. Just like a Slater match on Raw makes you change the channel, the Raiders, Jags, Bucs, and Titans games always get the smallest TV in the darkest and dingiest corner at your local sports bar. Rookies Derrick Carr and Blake Bortles could be decent quarterbacks in the future, but a decade of futility leave their respective teams with a lack of playmakers. Tampa and Tennessee can't decide which quarterback they want to lead their team, and the old saying "if you have two quarterbacks then you don't really have a quarterback" rings true for these teams.  

The Underachievers

28. Jets (2-8)

27. Falcons (3-6)

26. Redskins (3-6)

25. Bears (3-6)

24. Panthers (3-6)

23. Giants (3-6)

The Miz is a former WWE World Champion, but still gets no respect from the WWE Universe. All these teams have big name offensive players, but are in the bottom quarter of the league. The addition of Michael Vick, Eric Decker, and Chris Johnson had many believing that the Jets have cured their offensive woes, but that was not to be. The Falcons and Bears are "fantasy" teams. Their teams are loaded with fantasy superstars (Matt Forte, Brandon Marshall, Alshon Jeffrey, Jay Cutler, Matt Ryan, and Julio Jones), but the real teams can't find a way to win. The Panthers and (content deleted)skins have superstar quarterbacks that networks love to have on national prime time games, but I think they've lost those games by a combined 10,000 points, ruining my Thursday, Sunday and Monday nights. Eli Manning and the Giants are the ultimate Miz's. They won two Super Bowls (does this remind anyone of the Miz's Wrestlemania main event against John Cena?) in the past eight years, but those other six years they failed to win a playoff game. This season, Big Blue has suffered from a lack of toughness on their defense, while Eli has benefited from a break-out season from rookie Odell Beckham. 

The Overachievers

22. Rams (3-6)

21. Texans (4-5)

20. Vikings (4-5)

19. Bills (5-4)

18. Dolphins (5-4)

Like "The Showoff" Dolph Ziggler, these franchises get written off by the supposed "experts" but the fans know that they deserve more respect. The Rams have played the Cowboys, Eagles, and Cardinals tough, but just couldn't close those games out. Austin Davis has stepped up nicely and the Sam Bradford era is likely over in St. Louis. The Texans went from the worst record in the league last year to a .500 team this season. JJ Watt is a stud, and if they had slightly better quarterback play from Fitzpatrick they would be Wild Card contenders. After losing Adrian Peterson (who may be coming back soon) many people would've put Minnesota in the Heath Slater division. However, they play hard for coach Mike Zimmer and have beaten the teams that they should. The two AFC East contenders Dolphins and Bills have slowly been getting better through the draft. They both play tough smart football, but seem to be a couple players away from being contenders. 

The Unstable 

17. Saints (4-5)

16. 49ers (5-4)

15. Ravens (6-4)

14.Steelers (6-4)

13. Bengals (5-3-1)

12. Chargers (5-4)

These six teams are the definition of unstable, like "The Lunatic Fringe" Dean Ambrose. The Saints are like Jekkyl and Hyde, with a 3-1 record at home and a 1-4 record on the road. They have relied on being one-dimensional for too long and now it's coming back to bite them. The 49ers are good enough to beat teams like the Eagles and Cowboys, then lose to the Bears and Rams. They are impossible to predict and might cost Jim Harbaugh his job. Meanwhile his brother, John Harbaugh in Baltimore, who had to deal with the Ray Rice distraction, have pretty much won games you expect them to win and lose the games you expect them to. The Steelers who were 3-3 and being written off, before rattling off three straight wins where Big Ben looked like Aaaron Rodgers. Steeler Nation turned Jetlife Stadium to Heinz Field East on Sunday, only to watch them lose to the one-win Jets, what the fuck?? The Bengals win and lose with their quarterback Andy Dalton. Dalton has put up stinkers in losses against the Patriots, Colts, and Browns. Finally, the Chargers are the craziest of all. They have both a 5-game winning streak and a 3-game losing streak this season. 

The Ultimate Underdogs

11. Browns (6-3)

10. Cardinals (8-1)

In Cleveland this summer they were talking more about the return of King James and the debut of Prince Manziel. However, a crazy thing happened along the way, the Browns started winning with Brian Hoyer. The Dawg Pound is back in first place in the AFC North for the first time in 19 years (and they get Pro Bowler Josh Gordon back after their bye week). Arizona deserves to be higher up the list, but now with Carson Palmer lost for the season I don't see it happening. The Cards and Browns have both been a fun story, but unlike Daniel Bryan, I don't see it ending with a title. 

The Next Big Thing

9. Chiefs (6-3)

8. Eagles (7-2)

7. Colts (6-3)

These three teams are all on their way up and this is just the tip of the iceberg. Like Roman Reigns they have the intangibles to be great, it's just up to them to keep the momentum going. Andy Reid and Alex Smith have taken the Chiefs from the bottom of the league to the top in just two seasons, and I don't see either of them going away. Thanks to a freak injury Philly has a new Sanchise quarterback, (thanks Idzik) who is used to winning big playoff games. Chip Kelly's offense is only getting better and their ball-hawking defense keeps their opponents up at night. In Indy, they went from the best old quarterback to the best young quarterback. Andrew Luck appears to be legit, and he has made T.Y. Hilton into his version of Marvin Harrison. 

The Bully

6. Seahawks (6-3)

5. Lions (7-2)

The Seahawks had a little rough patch earlier this season, but now they are starting to look like the team that won the Super Bowl last year. The Legion of Boom leaves offenses in "a pool of urine, blood, and feces" as Brock would say. Marshawn Lynch brings the defense's hard hitting attitude to the running game. The only thing holding them back from repeating is a questionable passing game. The Lions defensive line; made up of Suh, Fairley, and Ansah; is one of the NFL's best. Matt Stafford and Calvin Johnson lead one of the most terrifying pass offenses in football as well. 

The Face of the Company

4. Packers (6-3)

3. Broncos (7-2)

Like John Cena the Packers and Broncos always seem to be in the conversation of title contenders, and unless you're a division rival, you never really find someone who hates either franchise. If Roger Goodell had his way Peyton Manning and Aaron Rodgers will face off in every Super Bowl. They bring good PR to the league, and are seen in a million commercials every Sunday. However, some times the heels win out.

The Authority 

2. Cowboys (7-3)

1. Patriots (7-2)

That time is now, sorry for stealing your lyric Cena. The bad guys, the teams that everyone hates, the Cowboys and Patriots are setting the stage for a heel vs heel matchup this Super Bowl. America's Team is back just when everyone was digging their grave in the off-season. Romo, Murray, and Dez might be the best QB-RB-WR combination in the league, and their defense is doing better than anyone expected thanks to a turn-around season for linebacker Rolando McClain. The Pats, the Evil Empire of football just won't die. After the worst 2-game stretch of Brady's career early this season, New England woke up. Rob Gronkowski is Gronk Spiking defenses to death, and Revis is back to keeping receivers trapped on Revis Island. I hope I'm wrong but I think it's the year for the Bad Guys.